Resources | Whānau
Supporting Whanau Through Mental Health DistressSupporting someone you care about through mental health challenges can feel both deeply important and, at times, overwhelming. You are not expected to have all the answers, your presence, care, and willingness to learn are already meaningful.
It is not about getting everything right. It is about showing up, staying connected, and knowing when to reach for help.
This kete sits alongside other resources to support you in that journey. Take what is useful, return when you need, and remember, you are part of a wider network of care.
Understanding Distress
Mental health distress can look different for everyone. It might show up as anxiety, withdrawal, anger, substance use, or changes in sleep and eating. Sometimes it follows a life event such as grief or trauma, and sometimes it does not have a clear cause.
It can help to understand wellbeing through a holistic lens. Te Whare Tapa Whā reminds us that wellbeing includes:
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Taha tinana (physical health)
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Taha hinengaro (mental and emotional wellbeing)
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Taha wairua (spiritual connection)
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Taha whānau (relationships and support)
When one area is impacted, others are often affected too.
You might notice:
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Changes in behaviour or mood
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Loss of interest in things they once cared about
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Expressions of hopelessness, whakamā, or feeling like a burden
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Pulling away from whānau, culture, or community
These signs are not about ‘attention seeking’ or another perceived negative behaviour, they are signals that something is not okay.
How You Can Support
You do not need to fix everything to make a difference.
Things that can help:
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Listening without interrupting or rushing to solutions
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Acknowledging their feelings (‘That sounds really hard’)
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Being consistent and reliable in your presence
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Offering practical support, like meals or transport
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Encouraging connection with others or professional support
What to be mindful of:
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Avoid minimising or dismissing their experience
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Try not to take their words or behaviour personally
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Be careful not to overwhelm them with advice
Support often looks like small, consistent actions over time.
Strength in Whānau and Community
Support is stronger when it is shared. You are not meant to carry this alone.
Consider:
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Involving trusted whānau or friends
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Connecting with kaupapa Māori or community-based services
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Drawing on cultural practices that bring meaning and connection
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Creating a shared plan so others know how to help
Healing often happens in relationship with people, culture, and place.
Looking After Yourself
Supporting someone else can take a toll on your own wellbeing. Taking care of yourself is part of being able to care for others.
Make space for:
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Rest, regular meals, and time to recharge
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Boundaries – It is okay and wise to step back when needed
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Your own support network, including friends, whānau, or professionals
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Activities that ground you, such as time in nature, karakia, or movement
If you feel constantly tired, overwhelmed, or emotionally stretched, it might be a sign that you need support. These feelings can be signals to pause and reconnect with your own needs.
When Things Feel Heavy Or Urgent
There might be moments when things feel intense or uncertain. This is a normal part of supporting someone through distress.
If you are concerned about immediate safety:
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Stay with the person if you can
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Call 111 if there is urgent danger
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Contact your local Crisis Assessment Team via your nearest hospital
If things feel overwhelming but not urgent:
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Slow things down and focus on the present moment
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Speak calmly and keep things simple
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Reach out for support, for both of you
You can call or text 1737 at any time to talk to a trained counsellor. This service is free and available across Aotearoa.
Where To Get Help
Mental health distress can look different for everyone. It might show up as anxiety, withdrawal, anger, substance use, or changes in sleep and eating. Sometimes it follows a life event such as grief or trauma, and sometimes it does not have a clear cause.
It can help to understand wellbeing through a holistic lens. Te Whare Tapa Whā reminds us that wellbeing includes:
-
Taha tinana (physical health)
-
Taha hinengaro (mental and emotional wellbeing)
-
Taha wairua (spiritual connection)
-
Taha whānau (relationships and support)
When one area is impacted, others are often affected too.
You might notice:
-
Changes in behaviour or mood
-
Loss of interest in things they once cared about
-
Expressions of hopelessness, whakamā, or feeling like a burden
-
Pulling away from whānau, culture, or community
These signs are not about ‘attention seeking’ or another perceived negative behaviour, they are signals that something is not okay.
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It is ok to not be ok
“Sadness. Fear. Grief,” said Piglet. “It’s a mistake we often make, all of us. To think that, because there are people who are worse off than us, that that somehow invalidates how we are feeling. But that simply isn’t true.
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A brighter future for mental health.
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