There’s a moment most of us recognise.
“Hey, how’s your day going?”
“Good, thanks. Yours?”
And just like that, the conversation is over before it even began.
For lots of people, opening up doesn’t come naturally.
Some of us were never really shown how to open up. Others want to connect more but feel awkward about it. The good news is – it doesn’t take a big personality adjustment or perfectly chosen words to change that. Usually, it’s just small tweaks to the words we use.
Curiosity matters
When we lead with curiosity, we’re doing something super simple but really powerful. We’re showing the other person that we’re genuinely interested in their experience.
That doesn’t mean we have to do or say anything drastic or remember the ‘right thing’ to say. A couple of small shifts in our language sends a quiet signal that says, ‘I’m here. I’m listening.’
And that shift alone can make someone feel seen.
Small words, big impact
Instead of:
‘Hey, how’s your day going?’
Try:
‘Hey, tell me about your day.’
It’s a subtle difference, but it opens the door rather than closing it.
If you want to take it one step further, you can gently guide the conversation:
“What three words would you use to describe your day so far?”
This works because:
- It gives the other person something concrete to respond to.
- It removes pressure to explain everything perfectly.
- It invites reflection without making things too heavy.
- 3 words is manageable.
They only need to be the first three words that come to mind. And then, often those three words lead to more.
For when it feels awkward
If this doesn’t feel natural straight away, that’s ok. It might feel a bit clunky at first – especially if you’re used to keeping things surface-level.
Keep in mind:
- You don’t need to ‘fix’ or have the perfect answer.
- Silence isn’t a problem – it can give people space to think.
- You’re allowed to be human in it.
Curiosity isn’t about having the right script. It’s about being willing to stay in the moment a little longer.
For those who aren’t used to opening up
If you’re on the receiving end of a question like this, it might catch you off guard.
That’s normal.
You don’t have to share everything. You don’t have to go deep if you don’t want to. Even something simple like:
- “Busy, a bit scattered, but ok”
- “Calm, focused, a little tired”
That’s enough.
Conversations build over time. Trust does too.
Making it part of your everyday
You don’t need to wait for a ‘big conversation to try this.
It can look like:
- Asking a teammate at work as you make a coffee
- Checking in with your partner at the end of the day
- Messaging a friend you haven’t heard from in a while
These small moments add up and shape the kind of connections we have.
A gentle reminder
Not every conversation will turn into something meaningful, and it doesn’t have to. The goal isn’t to force depth. To lead with curiosity simply means we create the opportunity for depth and for the people around you to feel seen.
Curiosity is an invitation, not a demand.
Give it a go
Next time you catch yourself asking, ‘How’s your day?’ pause for a second.
Try:
‘Tell me about your day. What three words would you use to describe it?’
And just see what happens.
You might be surprised how something so small can open things up in a whole new way.
Lead with curiosity.
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